cerebral palsy, Limits, Powerlifting

I Need A Hand.

Goose says this looks like a chicken’s leg. She’s supportive like that.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer ~Romans 12:22

As many of you know, this year has proven to be an explosion of unforeseen events. Well, to rock my world again, I had to have surgery on my hand on February 6th.

In January I broke my left hand walking upstairs. The otherwise routine break was complicated when my hand muscles spasmed while in the cast and pulled my pinky bone out of place.  As a result, the break didn’t  heal correctly. When the cast was removed,  my eyes bugged out of my head! My pinky had rotated outward and was laying on my ring finger. My doctor, a hand  specialist  from Munich, Germany, said,  “Well that s not good!”  It’s a good thing he is cute and has an accent because at that moment  I was in no mood.

He preceded to tell me I needed surgery to re-break my hand and put on a plate with four screws. I looked at him like a deer in headlights and preceded to ball my eyes out.  The first thing I questioned after I processed the information was, will I be able to lift again?  I was  assured  that I will be able to, but it would be a long, hard road.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. ~Galatians 6:9

I will be in a splint for four months, but  I can take it off to shower and do my physical therapy. I began physical therapy about a week ago. I endure an hour of excruciating exercises twice a day that makes my wrist and hand throb for hours after. A few days ago I made a loose fist for the first time.  The swelling won’t be down until months from now.  I worked so hard to get to where I was strength-wise, not only on my left side but my entire body, and now it’s gone. I’m way worse than before  I broke my hand.   I know that sounds pitiful,  but although  I am depressed and angry, I am not a quitter and won’t stop until I get back to competition shape. It’s going to be a long time though.

My arm from elbow to finger is stiff and weak, but there is nothing I can do about it beyond having patience and applying myself to my physical therapy.  Maybe that’s the lesson in all of this. Be patient—which I definitely am not—and don’t quit. I will never give up, and give all the glory to my Lord and Savior.

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Mental Illness

What suicide leaves behind…

This past week my family and I lost a very dear friend to suicide stemming from  bi-polar depression.

For the least, the last, the lonely and the lost…

It’s been incredibly hard to see such a bright light extinguished by mental illness. Chris was only 24, way too soon to die. He was  kind and caring, and always had a smile on his face. My daughter says Chris was her ‘crush’. He will be greatly missed.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.~ Matthew 5:4

Every one close to him, even those who lived with him, saw no sign he’d capable of doing such a horrific act as taking his own life. But Chris had demons; demons hiding deep within… and hid well until he was too tired and weak to fight back. That’s how I see it anyway. None of us will ever be the same…

His girlfriend, Jessie, said to me that she never understood why people say suicide is selfish. Now she understands just how selfish it truly is. He left a gaping whole in each and every heart he touched. The heart of his mother, father, his brother… the hearts of all of his friends, especially me and my family, not to mention the hearts of his girlfriend and her family whom he lived with for the past two years.

I keep looking back on the last few weeks trying to see if I can uncover even the smallest cue telling me that something was off with him. My husband, Ryan, has been doing the same. Both of us noticed that Chris was a little down, but nothing that would indicate what would happen. We just thought it was the result of a long winter. After all, he still always had that stupid infectious smile on his face. I’m not even sure even if we did notice something it would have made a bit of a difference. The reason I say this is because he wasn’t on any medication. Chris couldn’t handle the side effects.

This reason has a very familiar ring to it. A close family member stopped taking meds for bipolar because of the very same reason. Although my family member is doing well, there’s always a risk that they won’t be. It’s a day-by-day process.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34: 18

My advice for people who love others with bipolar, or any other kind of mental illness, is to encourage them to get help. Have them go to a local mental health physician or call the mental health hotline at 1-888-679-1575. If they won’t do that, love them and give them support. Take it day-by-day. Don’t take what they do or say personally, however, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU STAY WITH SOMEONE IF THEY ARE ABUSING OR HARMING YOU IN ANY WAY.

If you are in danger get out and seek help. If they are depressed or suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Don’t blame yourself for the foolish, selfish choices other people make. It is not your fault. Jessie said it perfectly, Chris had an illness and he died from it.

R.I.P. Chris. You are, and forever will, be greatly missed. We love you.