Mental Illness

What suicide leaves behind…

This past week my family and I lost a very dear friend to suicide stemming from  bi-polar depression.

For the least, the last, the lonely and the lost…

It’s been incredibly hard to see such a bright light extinguished by mental illness. Chris was only 24, way too soon to die. He was  kind and caring, and always had a smile on his face. My daughter says Chris was her ‘crush’. He will be greatly missed.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.~ Matthew 5:4

Every one close to him, even those who lived with him, saw no sign he’d capable of doing such a horrific act as taking his own life. But Chris had demons; demons hiding deep within… and hid well until he was too tired and weak to fight back. That’s how I see it anyway. None of us will ever be the same…

His girlfriend, Jessie, said to me that she never understood why people say suicide is selfish. Now she understands just how selfish it truly is. He left a gaping whole in each and every heart he touched. The heart of his mother, father, his brother… the hearts of all of his friends, especially me and my family, not to mention the hearts of his girlfriend and her family whom he lived with for the past two years.

I keep looking back on the last few weeks trying to see if I can uncover even the smallest cue telling me that something was off with him. My husband, Ryan, has been doing the same. Both of us noticed that Chris was a little down, but nothing that would indicate what would happen. We just thought it was the result of a long winter. After all, he still always had that stupid infectious smile on his face. I’m not even sure even if we did notice something it would have made a bit of a difference. The reason I say this is because he wasn’t on any medication. Chris couldn’t handle the side effects.

This reason has a very familiar ring to it. A close family member stopped taking meds for bipolar because of the very same reason. Although my family member is doing well, there’s always a risk that they won’t be. It’s a day-by-day process.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34: 18

My advice for people who love others with bipolar, or any other kind of mental illness, is to encourage them to get help. Have them go to a local mental health physician or call the mental health hotline at 1-888-679-1575. If they won’t do that, love them and give them support. Take it day-by-day. Don’t take what they do or say personally, however, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU STAY WITH SOMEONE IF THEY ARE ABUSING OR HARMING YOU IN ANY WAY.

If you are in danger get out and seek help. If they are depressed or suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Don’t blame yourself for the foolish, selfish choices other people make. It is not your fault. Jessie said it perfectly, Chris had an illness and he died from it.

R.I.P. Chris. You are, and forever will, be greatly missed. We love you.



4 thoughts on “What suicide leaves behind…”

  1. omg such a tragic story. i’m so sorry for your loss… it’s so weird because i can do the same i can have a smile on my face but feel terribly suicidal or depressed… good thing i turn to blogging or crying when things like that happen and i’ve never made an attempt although i’ve thought about it. The thing about this disorder is that it’s a liar. you tell yourself so many negative lies but your mind tries to find reasons to make them seem true… god bless your family as well as those mourning for Chris.


  2. So true are your words in this blog. He will be missed greatly. If is always something we ask after a tragedy like this. Glad I personally got to be his friend coworker for a time and like a big brother at times I think. R.I.PLEASE. CHRIS.


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